Eye Contact and Subway Rides

What is it with eye contact and it being so difficult to make and maintain with strangers?

Is it that we feel vulnerable and afraid they’re going to see us for who we really are or that if we look at them for long periods of seconds, they’ll think we have a thing for them or are just being creepy.

For example, I’m on the subway on my way to work as I usually do, and it’s very crowded. Body to body touching, no need to hold the pole because you’ll be supported by someone behind you, next to you and someone behind them. I suppose it could become the dominoe effect but thankfully us New Yorkers have become experts at this type of commuting.

A Universal Sadness in New York City on November 9th

Never have I  saw so many tears in New Yorkers eyes
Never felt such a heaviness of sadness on the train
Made eye contact with an African American woman and we smiled then saw each other’s tears swell up.
My heart hurts
My stomach aches
Feels like there was a death in our country and we need to have a funeral service.

This affects everyone. EVERYONE.
We are a diverse country filled with men, women, trans men and trans women, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, disabled, abled, Jewish, Muslim, gay, straight. We are all affected by this and all need to feel safe.

It’s silly that we are not liking each other based on their color, their gender, their sexual orientation, their religion, and their beliefs. Let’s move on from this and focus on what is important.

Children are smarter than this. It is my duty as a teacher and as a therapist to teach young kids how to be kind to one another, how to accept one another for who they are, and how to love themselves.

LOVE

What is this four lettered word that comes out of our mouth 1000 times a day? What is this four lettered word that drives us crazy yet drives our entire beings to live our lives?

I experienced love on many levels this past weekend which brought some clarity for me. Defining love is an ongoing process for me and is amazing at how universal yet complex this small word can be, and how many meanings it has for all of us! At the end of the day though, we all use this word for one thing: to show others that we care.

LOVE..

Love is worrying about your person so much that your insides hurt

Love is sharing food with your person even if it means cooking their favorite food all day or picking up take out at midnight

Love is making sacrifices

Love is self-less

Love is communicating

Love is honesty

Love is protecting your child from the world

Love is breaking up Cheerios into bits and pieces while your driving and feeding them to your baby

Love is waiting

Love is patient

Love is that pain in your chest when you have to say goodbye

Love is giving

Love is receiving

Love is challenging

Love is fearless and frightening

Love is kind

Love is giving up your needs and wants for the other person

Love is encouraging the other to do what they need to do even if it means them leaving you

Love is the unknown

Love is ever changing

Love is stability

Love is vulnerability

Love is painful, exhausting, and stressful

Yet..
Love is love and love is all we need and is all we are

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Uniforms and Backpacks

Blue skirts, white polo shirts, and knee highs.

Uniforms.

Backpacks.

Girls going together without a parent.

Parents holding their kids hands on the train

I remember that as a kid I was in a car on my way to school and didn’t have the hustle bustle that city kids experience.

Both great just different

Getting a bit sad that I won’t be living here next year which makes me enjoy every moment now.

Yes it’s hectic 

Yes it’s overwhelming 

But it’s alive.

I feel alive amongst other humans even as close to my body on the train

We’re together in this.

With many friends as teachers, I am a teacher. Even though I am not a teacher in a public school teaching reading, writing, or the arts, my teaching toddlers matters. 

I’m teaching the most essential thing: 

Love and comfort and play.

Separation from their parents.

Independence and community

Connectedness

Joy

And of course so much more

The more confident and comfortable a human being is the more they can learn and have the capacity in their brains to learn and grow.

My job is important. 

I am grateful to be at buckle my shoe with such great coworkers. 

I’m so glad I decided to stay at this job.

I love you Rachael and you are growing and changing and are perfect.

Everyone is.  

Saying No is a Yes to Yourself!

I like to think of myself as a very open-minded individual, free-spirit who tries many new and different experiences. Overall, this has suited me well most of my life and I love living life without regrets and by living in the moment. However, I have found that there is a place to say the word “No” even if we fear we’ll miss out on that experience or hurt those around us by not doing the thing they invited us to. 

In graduate school, one of my professors shared an important and vital lesson I’ll never forget, which is by saying “NO” to others, we are saying YES to ourselves. Of course, if we say no all of the time and are always doing the thing we want and/or hibernating from the world and being too selfish, then it might be time to say the three letter word instead. As long as we think about the decision and for me, think and feel not just about the current moment but how I’ll feel if I say Yes and how I’ll feel if I say No. (Gut reaction). 

As with most things, a balance is important and thoughtfulness instead of impulsivity (most of the time) is a better choice. Then there’s the whole being impeccable with our word and doing my best to stick to what I say especially if it involves others. Overall, I am grateful to be reminded that the word “No” can and should be in my vocabulary and it is an act of self-love which I believe, will ultimately positively affect those around us! Practice makes perfect! No! No! No!
   
    
 

Dancing with Gravity

Dancing with gravity 
Sweet nectar 
Gerbil energy and positive frequency

Compassion

You can’t do this wrong

Don’t try, just allow it to be what it is

Allow you to be what you are

Dancing with gravity 

Dancing with myself

Dancing the dance of life with others

Gratitude of the heart

Dance of the heart

How simple yet complex it is to fold your body over someone else 

How hard to give and receive weight

Dance is a language we all speak and know so well yet is foreign to most of us

Maybe because it is so healing which can be difficult 

It makes us vulnerable to seeing ourselves as we are.

Acceptance

Awareness

Contact.

   
    
   

It’s not how you see, it’s how you look!

People cram into a subway car
Arms almost touching 

Feel eyes look at you in awe and when you look up at them, they go back down

Are we afraid of awkward unknown moments?

What is it that makes you you and me me?

Is it how I view myself that you see and receive or is it how I show myself to the outside world? Or no matter what I do and am, you will see what you want to see.

I have a tank top with an owl on it and he wears glasses and says, “it’s not how you see it’s how you look”

I am so grateful at where I am in my life right now and where I have come from. The past two weeks I got to spend with my family. Dad in Florida and mom and everyone there in Burbank. Even though I have experienced divorce, pain, loneliness, feelings of abandonment, I have also felt such gratitude, love, and acceptance. It is amazing, the journey of life. All are unknown and its what you make of it! Of course, there’s a lot we can control or change about ourselves or life, yet on the other hand, we do have power to make changes. It’s like an ongoing conversation with the universe, (God, mystery of life)etc. what we want and what we do with what comes to us. 
I’m in a space of growth. I have explored my sexuality a lot! Still will continue to do so I’m sure, but I’m now in this place of knowing self-love and what I want and that I don’t have to compromise that for someone else’s needs or expectations. I wonder if young girls need to know this too. 
There is so much I want to do in this life and I believe I can do all of it! I want to be known as someone who had different aspects of themselves, parts of their lives, and passions! Here I will now express it!

1. I want to continue to work with children

2. I want to educate and work with with moms through Dmt

3. I want to write a book

4. I want to play the guitar and ukulele

5. I want to learn more about all religions

6. I want to become a massage therapist 

7. I want to get a phd in psychology 

8. I want to cook more and bake 

9. I want to dance more

10. I want to be ME more!

Thank you life, love, and everything and everyone! Thank you me! Love you Rachael Anne Singer and all my relations!

Festival Reflections

Gathering of the vibes An Unexpected joyful experience

Old friends and new friends

family bonds and struggles 

Be yourself

Accept yourself before loving anyone else

I have been creating so many memories and having such beautiful conversations with all sorts of people. I feel so so so grateful to be alive, to have grown up the way I did with so much love, and to be where I am now! 
Thank you life, universe, mother, father, brothers and sisters. We are all connected. We are all the same.

Thinking about the differences between two festivals that I attended, which are Unifier  and Gathering of the vibes. Both were life changing and so beautiful in their own ways. Of course, we are the creators of our experiences and both affect and are affected by the people we are with. Looking deeply into the meaning of both festivals, I realized that unifier was more about my own self growth and transformation where as vibes was also but mainly about the people I was with and the conversations and the moments that were unforgettable.  Thank you universe and all living things. I feel that we are all God cause we are all creators! 

    
   

Finding the “perfect mate”

As a single 26 year old human living in New York City, I have begun the process of dating. Although I’m not sure if I choose to fully believe that there is one person for everyone of us, also called a soul mate, I can’t help but look for “the one” everyday of my life. Whether it’s at a bar, on the subway, airplane, or train, I look for them. I say “them” because I don’t know anything about them and am open to both men and women. It depends on the individual, who they are, not on their gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. anywho I digress! 

As I was eating wings and sitting at this restaurant/bar called Brother Jimmys, I noticed that I was perusing the humans around me and wondered why is it that I have a type and why I find one person attractive vs. another. Of course I know that we are programmed to reproduce which affects the way we attract and are attracted to other humans. Yet, I believe it’s deeper than that. We have the ability to sense a connection with someone and also are intrigued by different energies. Perhaps we have multiple soul mates for different times in our lives or one soul mate that we are destined to be with.

Whatever it may be, I am realizing everyday that what it truly comes down to is loving and accepting myself fully before I can fully love another human being AND let them love me fully! The more me I am, the more I’ll find someone who sees me for all of me, the good, the bad, and the ugly! We are complex beings and it takes time for us to even know and accept ourselves before others can do so too. 

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